Ashfur's revenge!
by Gingerstar14
Summary: Sequal to Crazy Squirrelflight. Ashfur's blueprints are in action! Revenge is what he's talking! But will his songs be as "awsome" as he planned?
1. ThinkthinkthinkHORRABLE!

Ashfur's think-think-think HORRABLE!By Ashfur.

* * *

Ashfur padded out of his pizza-box den. (Bramblestar had enough boxes for every cat to have their own!) 

Today, his Revenge would be complete!!

Rubbing his paws together, he opened his mouth and screamed:

_When I go to shcool I _

_Think think think! _

_When I go to schoo- _

He was cut of by Squirrelflight's yowl, "Horrable! That is the worst song in the history of forever!"

"Yeah, Ashfur, if your gunna be annoying, at least sing a half-decent song!" Bramblestar meowed.

"HUH! I'm going back to the drawing-board." Ashfur stalked into his den.

Squirrelflight sighed. "There's a good reason why I married Bramblestar.

"Cause I'm leader and I got good looks?"

"That, and the fact that we can sing together!"

They started to sing Swanee River, and the whole clan danced. (Ashfur didn't, though)

* * *

**Gingerstar14: I would like it if you could give me some songs for Ashfur to sing! That would be great! Hope you like this as good!**


	2. Funeral

Ashfur's 'Funeral' version song by Ashfur

* * *

_I went to Firestar's fuuuuuneraaaal... _

_I went to his graaaaaaave. _

_Some cats yowled so mournfully, _

_but Squirrelflight just laaaaaaughed... _

"How'd ya like that?!!! HATE YER FATHER!!!!"

Squirrelflight stared at him.

"Firestar had no funeral, remember? Cinderkit choked on a banana peel, and we rushed her to the perimedics." Bramblestar reminded him.

"...In Bramblestar's,-formerly Firestar's-limo." Cloudtail put in.

Squirrelflight lost all interest in Ashfur's songs. "BUT THAT MEANS HE'S STILL ROTTING IN THE FOREST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"O MY STARCLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Leafpool screeched.

All the cats piled into Bramblestar's limo and drove off.

* * *

**OKAY I NEED IDEAS!!!!!!!**


	3. Stand up

Ashfur's 'Stand up' version by Ashfur.

**Gingerstar14: You won't know the tune of this one, my wacky music teacher made it up.**

* * *

_If you hate Squirrelflight, stand up!! _

_If wanna annoy her, stand up!! _

_If you have a pizza-box den, stand up!! _

_If you have rabies, stand up!! _

_If you... _

"Oh my freakin' StarClan SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!" Squirrelflight snarled.

Ashfur stuck out his tongue.

"Who has rabies anyway?" Dustpelt asked.

"You're the one with the retarded-name-cat-girl-friend-thats-way-younger-than-you!!!" Ashfur retorted.

"I'm out of toilet paper!!!" Bramblestar yowled from his den.

"Who wipes?" Leafpool asked.

"Of all cats to say that...Oy-vey." Dustpelt shook his head.

"You let onto a secret, you know." Ashfur meowed.

"If anyone asks, I was NOT dating Crowfeather." Leafpool shot into her den.

"Some one has RABIES!!!!" Ashfur yowled.

"Ashfur, 'Some one' is one word." Dustpelt growled.

"I GIVE UP!!!" Ashfur threw his paws into the air. "Time to get composing."

With that, he ran into the warriors den, which was back to normal, now that the pizza box dens were soggy.


	4. Rock star

Ashfur's 'Rockstar' version by Ashfur.

* * *

_Hey now, we're a cool clan (didja guess yet?)__, lets sing!!! _

_Hey now, who will start us, Ashfur, lead the way... _

_'I'll start a solo to lead us... _

_So that we can rock and rolll...' _

_Hey now, raise your voices, let's yowl _

"Maaaaaaaan, yur getting somewhere." Cinderpaw mewed.(She was apprenticed yesterday)

"Thanx." Ashfur nodded.

"Do you even _know_ how to spell?" Dustpelt asked.

"Toldja he was a nagger." Squirrelflight rolled her eyes.

"Ummm, do you didn't." Ashfur meowed.

"Oh, that was Bramblestar."

"HEYYYYY!!!!!!!!! I STILL NEED TOILET PAPER IN THIS (BEEP) PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bramblestar yowled.

"Father, father, father." Snowkit shook his head.

"Hey, your from Great StarClan! Get back in your own fanfic!!!!" Squirrelflight hissed.

"Oh yea." Snowkit left.

"I'm a comin'!!!" Squirrelflight rushed into Bramblestar's den.

"Well, se ya all later." Ashfur sighed.


	5. Camptown races

Ashfur's Camptown races version by Ashfur.

Gingerstar14: And I used a dictionary of that long word I don't wanna spell more than once.

* * *

_I will now sing this song, _

_doo-dah, doo-dah _

_It is sad don't get me wrong, _

_oh, doo-dah day _

_I have lost the perfect bride,_

_doo-dah, doo-dah _

_Now my sorrow is so wide, _

_oh, doo-dah day _

_Gonna cry tonight, _

_Gonna cry today, _

_I have lost my Squirrelflight, _

_'Cause I'm not very bright! _

"You got that right!" Laughed Dustpelt.

"THAT SONG WAS A LIE!!!!" Squirrelflight screamed.

"So I do not care. " Ashfur replied.

"And...?" Squirrelfight asked.

" And it was, it was.." Ashfur stopped. "SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOS!!!"

"What is that?" Asked Dustpelt.

"It's a word to say when you don't know what to say."

"HUH?"

"IT'S SUPERFICIAL!!!! IT'S A BANANZA!! IT SUPER-TASTIC! IT'S DIFERIFIC!!!" Ashfur yowled.

"Almost all those words are spelled wrong." Dustpekt meowed. "And some aren't used properly, or even real words!!

"Not my fault. Gingerstar14's the idiot who can't spell." Ashfur retarted.

"Gingerstar14, you put an a where there's supposed to be an O do you know what you spelled? AShfur retarted!!!" Dustpelt meowed.

"I know." I said.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I'm surrounded by weirdos! No wonder this fanfic is so dumb sometimes."


	6. White and Nerdy

Ashfur's White and nerdy version by Ashfur

**_Gingerstar14: Yay! I was listening to Weird Al Yankovic, so that's where this song is from. Plus this is basically the refrain or whatever you call it. And...I need ideas for the diaogue!_**

* * *

_She wants to roll with the _

_roosters _

_but she can't cuz, _

_She's just to brown and burry, _

_jea just to brown and burry, _

_yea just to brown and burry _

_brown and burry _

Squirrelflight stared at Ashfur like her was a nutball. "Roosters?"

Dustpelt sighed. "It says jea not yea..."

"CEEP YOUR STUPIS CATTY MOUTH QUITE SHUT!!!!!!" Ashfur shouted.

"You spelled almost every word wrong..." Dustpelt mewed.

Bramblestar padded out of his den. "So...?"

"So? I'm all for Taco Bell!" Squirrelflight yowled.

"Okay! I'll do anyfing fer my pookywookykittywitty!"

Ashfur ran behind the nursery and barfed.

So they left for taco bell.


	7. Tattoo

Ashfur's Tattoo by Ashfur

**_Gingerstar14: Ashfur is getting weird..._**

* * *

_No matter what you say about dung, _

_I keep coming back for more, _

_shove my paws in the pile _

_sooner or later, my paws'll smell just like it too, _

_No matter what you say about crowfood, _

_I eat it every time I see-it _

_The truth is in danger-I can't remain here, _

_I gotta let my spirit be free, to, _

_do what I want and eat all this junk and loose my mind _

_Sorry, but I have to go find my next pile of dung _

_I can't waist time so give me a moment, _

_I gotta get some dung and some crowfood, _

_I realized, all is smelly, no need to worry bout the stench it is making, _

_Treat every pile like it is from StarClan, _

_Don't look back at an old old pile, _

_I had it once, needed some smell, _

_it's still a part of everything I've smelled, _

_it's in my fur just like a tattoo..._

"ummmm" Squirrelflight coughed.

"so...?" Ashfur asked.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...OH MY STARCLAN HOW THE PLACE OF NO STARS DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT ONE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Dustpelt yowled.

Suddenly Bramblestar raced out of his den swareing. "(place bad words here)"

"Bramblestar!" Squirrelflight hissed.

"That was easy. That was easy. That was easy. That was easy.That was easy.That was easy.That was easy.That was easy.That was easy.That was easy.That was easy.That was easy.thatwaseasythatwaseasythatwaseasythatwaseasythatwaseasy" Cinderpaw dashed across the camp with a Staples Easy Button.

"I told Bramblestar not to give her that." Sandstorm growled.

"Thornclaw did!" Bramblestar whined.

"That was..."

Dustpelt smashed it to peices.

"YOU CRUEL IN-HUMANE FRICKING (place bad words here) CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Cinderpaw screamed.

"ThunderClan...aye-aye-aye." Dustpelt meowed.

"You are ThunderClan, idiot." squirrelflight mewed.

"For the first time, I wish I wasn't."


	8. Mcnuggets

Ashfur's Mcnuggets by Ashfur (who is going balistic)

**_Gingerstar14: ..._**

* * *

_I'm into ccrowfood y'all _

_I'm into crowfood y'all _

_I'm into crowfood y'all _

_I'm into crowfood y'all _

_crowfood crowfood ha _

_crowfood crowfood ha!_

_crowfood crowfood ha!_

_crowfood crowfood ha!_

_worms and diseases! Crowfood!_

_worms and diseases! Crowfood!_

_worms and diseases! Crowfood! _

_Squish 'tween those toes! _

_Squish 'tween those toes! _

_worms and diseases! Crowfood!_

_worms and diseases! Crowfood! _

_worms and diseases! Crowfood! _

_Squish 'tween those toes! _

_crowfood crowfood ha! _

_crowfood crowfood ha! _

_crowfood crowfood ha! _

_crowfood crowfood ha! _

_STARLINGS ARE CROWFOOD!!!!!!!!!!! _

"..."

"Ummmmm..."

"yea?"

"If StarClan heard that, I'm sure their dead a second time. Or if their leaders, a tenth time."

"Dustpelt, that is the dumbest punch line ever." Ashfur hissed.

"DIDSOMEBODYSAYPUNCH?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Asked Cinderpaw.

"NOOOOOOO!" Dustpelt mewed quickly.

"Actually, yes." Ashfur punched Dustpelt.

Squirrelflight sighed. "This Clan is weird."

"Lets change the name to WeridClan!" Ashfur suggested.

"No, OMFGClan!"

"Or WFTClan!"

"Or AshClan!"

"no way!"

"HolyFrickClan! Clan! Wordsthatshouldn'tbesaidClan!"

"Ashfur, shut up." Dustpelt growled.

"Crowfood!"

Dustpelt slapped his face.


	9. Breakfast in hell I'm still proud!

Ashfur's Breakfast in hell by Ashfur

**_Gingerstar14: I'M A CHRISTIAN OKAY! SO I'M PROUD NOW SHUT UPPPPPP! Deal with it, but I hope U are too. GOD LUVS YA! (seriously, If ya hate me, I don't care!( : )_**

* * *

_Hold the dung, __give back that bile _

_they are powerless to please me,_

_Gathered here to sprinkle dung bits,_

_in our fur and eyes and tail _

_Dung-bit Club-bers say the motto _

_that he taught us to repeat, _

_You will lose it in your training, _

_if ya wait 'till night to 'go' _

_Back when the wind-clan said our butts were big, _

_every full-moon Tallstar'd be there, there and here _

_yet none of us knew his checkout time would come so soon, _

_but before he said hi to Deadfoot he'd composed this tune: _

_WHEN STARCLAN SEEMS GONE _

_AND ALL THE NOBLE'S DIEIN' _

_AND SHADOWCLAN'S ATTACKIN' AND WARRIOR'S SAY, "FAREWELL' _

_WHEN THE BADGERS FIND YOU MAY THIS SONG REMIND YOU,_

_THAT WHERE TIGERSTAR'S GONE, THERE WON'T BE AN--NYDUNG! _

Bramblestar glared at Ashfur. "That's not what he said. He said, right from Starlight: (I was there) 'I am greatful to have brought the Clan this far. Onewhisker, treat our friends well when you lead our Clan. Remember everything they have done for us' Then he died."

"..." 

"It's true." Bramblestar meowed. "Read the book yourself.

Dustpelt stared at Bramblestar. "Does no cat care how dumb Ashfur's song is?"

"Yea." Squirrelflight. "an--ny? WTH (HECK, PEOPLE!)"

"I like money. $$$$$$$ YAY!" Cinderpaw mewoed. 

"I'm naming the apprentices, so when they are warriiors, Bramblestar know's what to name them."

Cinderpaw danced. "Me FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRST!"

"hmmm..."Ashfyr looked at Cinderpaw. "Cinderblock." 

"Yay!"

"Well... Berrypaw can be Berryjuice."

Berrypaw stared. "uhhhhh"

"Me next!" Yowled Honeypaw.

"Honeypot."

"And me..." Mousepaw called.

"Mouselength." Ashfur purred. "Now...Hazelpaw. Hazel...Hazelberry." 

Then he turned to Poppypaw. "Poppyseed, and Molepaw can be (A/N I know he died, but not this time) Molebuttcheek." 

Molepaw stared. 

"Then...Bramblestar's kits: Lionmane, Jaybird, and Hollybush." 

Ashfur turned to the nursery. "Can't hurt. Ice-y and Foxbutt." 

"That's enough.!" Bramblestar growled. 

"NEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR"


	10. one by one

Ashfur's One by one by Ashfur

**_Gingerstar14:Yea...Give me some more suggestions for songs...but they can't have any bad words at ALL!!_**

* * *

heyyyy

heyyy

heyyy

heyyy

heyyy

heyyy

heyyy

here am I

yet another dung-pile

who says, Bramblestar says

eewwww

and do you know why

he will break down to cry?

he says,

eewwww

ew ew ewww

it's grosss

one by one my dung falls

one by one my farts are gone

it's no lie he wants his clan clean

he says, she says, they says

ewwwwwww

Squirrelflight started laughing her head off. "THEY says?"

Ashfur glared at her. "TSCINS"

"It's TGIF-Thank God it's friday!"

"TGINS, Thank StarClan I'm not Squirrelflight."

"ooooooooooooooooh" Squirrelflight punched Ashfur.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!" Yowled Ashfur

"Of, off, or oof?" Squirrelflight asked.

"OOF!!"

"OHHHHH! KK!"

"kk?"

"Chatspeak"

"kk!"

"OMFG, OMG, WTF, BRB G2G TMI all that good stuff."

"OOOOOH! KK!"

"KK!"

"KK"

"KK"  
"KK"

"KK"

"Stop that."


	11. OMG IT'S CROWY!

Ashfur and Cukoo Crowfeater's Oh susanna version by Crowfeather and Ashfur

**Gingerstar14: YAY CROWY!! **

**hello: Crowfeather **

_yo: Ashfur_

**_Yollo: Both_**

Leafpool was eating peacefully when Crowfeather dashed into the camp.

He kneeled before her and meowed, "This is why I love you."

"Okay..."

"Don't tell Nightcloud." Then Crowfeather ran over to Ashfur and they wispered together.

Then, they came out with this song...

**Oh, I come from the old WindClan camp, **

**a long scar down my knee, **

**I'm goin' to the, thee ThunderClan camp, **

**my true love for to see **

_He cried all night, the other day, _

_the sky it was so blue _

_the sun so hot, we came along _

_and sang this song for you _

_**oh my Leafpool, **_

_**now don't you run off **_

**I come from the old WindClan camp, **

**I long scar down my knee **

_Oh my Leafpool, _

_I guess your purrrty too,_

I don't love you sincely,

so a clanmate's got to do

**I had a dream, the other night **

**when everyting was still **

**I thought I saw my Leafpool, **

**trottin' over the hills, **

_A juicy rabbit in her mouth, _

_a twinkle in her eye, _

_She looked at you, and _

_smiled and said, 'Now _

_Crowy come with me!' _

_**Oh my Leafpool, **_

_**now don't you run off **_

**I come from the old WindClan camp**

**a long scar down my knee **

_Oh my Leafpool, _

_I guess I your purrrty too, _

_I don't love you sincely, _

_so a clanmates got to do _

_**Yea we come from different clans **_

_**for to sing this song for you** _

For a moment, Leafpool was shocked.

"Well," She began, but that was too late.

Nightcloud marched into camp and hauled Crowfeather outa there fast.


	12. Mount Rushmore

Ashfur's Mount Rushmore by Ashfur

**Gingerstar14: :) The end...sorta sad, doncha think? Lightkit (anonymous) suggested this! **

**By the way, I won't post it for a bit, but I'm doing Dustpelt's Poetry...more humor...funny poems, cats hating em, performing at the Lamester's Club..yea!!**

* * *

_On top of _

_Mount Rushmore,  
_

_All covered with blood,  
_

_I shot poor Squirrelflight,  
_

_With a 90-foot stud!  
_

_I went to her funeral,  
_

_I went to her grave.  
_

_Some kitties threw flowers,  
_

_While I threw grenades!  
_

_Bramblestar killed me,  
_

_for killing his wife! _

_I joined the Dark Forest,  
_

_for causing much strife! _

Ashfur screamed. Bramblestar, true to the song, chased Ashfur around the camp.

"It'SALL RIGHT PEOPLES!!" Squirrelflight screamed.

"So your not dead..." Bramblestar asked.

"No, lucky for me, Ashfur just shot my tail. Now, I need to strangle him!" Squirrelflight lunged and strangled Ashfur.

Finally, Ashfur got away. "THIS IS THE END OF MY FREAKIN' CAREER!!" He screamed.

Bramblestar clapped. But before they could invite the other Clans over, Dustpelt came into the camp with a hat, a notebook, a pencil, and a writing stand.

"..."

"Yes Bramblestar," He meowed, "Yes"


End file.
